How to Motivate

One recent morning, I felt energetically heavy and unable to drag myself out of bed. It was a rare occurrence, one I do not have much experience with dealing with.

As I reluctantly sat down on my dining room table and started journaling, I realized that I did not feel inspired to move through my day and week. In the whirlwind of activities like hosting events during Web Summit, taking some time off to disconnect, and launching my book, I'd hit a post-high slump.

There was a missing ingredient that I did not know how to operate without: motivation.

The external goals I have wanted to achieve this year have mostly been achieved. And the ones that have not, I’ve let go of any expectations of. This leaves me feeling like I’m floating, without the anchor or grounding I now realized I get from having achievable projects to work towards.

In this state of floating, I caught myself being passive. Figuratively twiddling my thumbs and waiting for something to happen.

After a week or so of floating due to the lack of external motivators, I began to look elsewhere for motivation: inside. I soon found it and realized that it is the greatest source of inspiration I have and what has actually driven me my entire life.

As an entrepreneur for over two decades now, I have often been frustrated when I notice that the people around me don’t seem to be as motivated as I am. It’s an unfair expectation however an expectation that I still naturally have.

In business, I have more to win or lose than those around me. The carrot is big, juicy and sweet. The stick is also big, firm and painful. These are external though. The internal motivators for business have been about expressing, creating, building, learning and growing. These have played a far bigger role in influencing my actions than money.

I know this because when I invest in the stock market or in other people’s companies, it is difficult to feel motivated. Yes, there is a potential external reward however there’s very little deep down inside of me that feels alive. I find that I just don’t care enough to put my energy, excitement and enthusiasm into it.

At times, I have felt more motivated to exercise and improve my physical strength and fitness. At other times, I have felt less motivated. Why?

There are a multitude of excuses for other priorities in life that are ‘more important’. I don’t buy it though, I think there’s something deeper. Exercising to simply look good or feel good also isn’t enough. Exercising because I intellectually know that it’s good for me, both in the short term and long term, also doesn’t seem to be enough.

The moments I have prioritized exercise are when I find joy and excitement from the activity itself. It is really about the journey, not the destination. Even when the journey involves sweat, hard work, and tension, when I’m into it, I like it, enjoy it and do it.

Having deadlines is rarely a motivator for me. And as I’ve learned in being one who has set deadlines for years for others, it rarely brings out the best work in others as well. It may get the job done well enough, and oftentimes, that is all that is required, in which case deadlines help get something ‘good enough’ done ‘on time’. However, for true excellence and creativity, deadlines don’t work that well. What does? Again, similar to exercise, enjoying the process.

For example, I have really enjoyed deepening my writing practice and skills this year. I genuinely look forward to taking out my Remarkable ink tablet and scribbling away, or opening up a blank Google Doc and typing away. The best writing I have done this year has been when I don’t have a fixed limit of how much time I’ll spend writing, and don’t even have a fixed focus on what I’m trying to write about. It feels meditative and soothing for my mind and soul to spill whatever is inside out.

On a recent first date, I had scheduled an hour in my afternoon to meet a woman for tea in the park. As we started connecting and chatting, I found myself increasingly curious about her and began to lose track of time. The tea in the park turned into a walk, which turned into dinner. It was beautiful.

What was most beautiful about it was noticing myself go with the flow. I was more spontaneous than my schedule generally allows me to, and it was an important reminder to let the present moment guide my choices from time-to-time. So often, I am guided by the choices I made for myself in a previous moment.

This requires me to be connected to myself and in tune with how I’m feeling and what I’m feeling. It is easy to numb that connection and be distracted by scrolling feeds, binge streaming and real-time messaging. In these numbing activities, I am transported into someone else’s world and out of mine.

On a recent family vacation in Jamaica with my parents and sister’s family, a highlight for me was connecting with my nephew, who’s nearly three years old now. Each evening, loud music would play in the resort and he would take my hand and guide me to the stage that would be used to host performances later.

With his innocent smile, he would begin to sway slowly from side-to-side, waiting to see if I would join him in the gentle dance. As I took his bait, his arms would begin to rock and so did mine. Then his little feet would begin to move, as would mine. And once it was clear that we were full on having a dance party, alone, standing on the stage in the middle of the resort, he would begin to smile and laugh. The purest laugh I’ve ever heard, as it was from a place of pure joy. Without any concern for the spectators that were quietly watching from afar or for his growing hunger, he continued to follow his inner impulse to dance with his uncle. Yet another example of being guided by the present moment.

Staying connected with my inner energy, creativity and mood requires practice. And for me, those practices include meditation, journaling and dancing.

While in a meditative mood, I begin to notice the strong thought patterns flowing through my mind, without judgment and over time, with acceptance. The acceptance I practice in the moments when I’m meditating transfer to the moments when I am not meditating.

Journaling, whether it be publicly on this blog, or privately in my notebook, gives me the space to explore and go deeper into what’s really going on inside. So much of my daily choices are influenced by how I am feeling. Taking the time to acknowledge them by writing them down has proven to be my most powerful practice.

And dancing puts me in contact with my emotions in a completely different way than meditation and journaling. It allows me to feel my feelings in my body. Rather than observe or reflect on them, to feel them is to experience them in a completely different way. I come into contact with their intensity, and can often be surprised by what I learn.

As I have learned how to move past my post-high slump, I'm reminded by a simple truth: my motivation comes from a place deep inside me, much like the roots of a tree.

These roots, hidden but essential, give me the strength to grow and reach towards my dreams and desires. It's a comforting thought, knowing that the source of my motivation is always within me, steady and strong, even as the world around me continues to change and challenge me.

And that is how I learned to motivate.