How to Time

“Is your time yours?” has become my opening question when meeting new people.

It makes people pause. It's not an easy question to answer off the cuff. Unlike the normal “how are you?”, “what do you do?”, “where are you vacationing this summer?”, or even “what’s inspiring you these days?” questions that often are asked, asking someone if their time is theirs is a mind bender.

Yet at the same time, very revealing.

Four words that magically cause one to lift themselves out of their own day-to-day busyness and patterns, and force themselves to see their own reality as it is. Instantly.

I’ve seen people’s expressions change immediately, most often faces get filled with confusion. A mild deer-in-the-headlights moment for some, as they’ve just stumbled accidentally across something that’s really important.

I know the feeling as I have experienced it many times. It is a feeling of realizing I have lost my way, without knowing that I was lost to begin with. Furthermore, I thought I was on my way and these four words made me realize I am not.

Somewhere along the way, the relationship with time changed, and it seems not for the better.

I imagine one hundred years ago, those who had greater education, greater economic means, regardless of how it was obtained, by one's own merit, or passed down from others, or even through immoral activities, were the ones who felt that their time was theirs. They would spend it on travel, on leisure, on entertainment, and on loved ones.

Fast forward to a modern society, those who ‘have it all’ also seem to no longer have their time. It is constantly rented out, be it to work commitments, social communities, health routines, or scrolling through feeds.

One of my favorite books in the past few years is called Four Thousand Weeks. The author, Oliver Burkeman, challenged me to rethink my relationship with time. Instead of seeing time as a commodity or resource that I’m trying to abstract the most amount of value from, by doing more, and constantly trying to be productive, I have been inspired by thinking of time as something different. Completely different.

The perspective encouraged me to see time not as something to be controlled or managed, but as something to be experienced. This shift in mindset has been transformative for me. It’s like transitioning from trying to trap water in my hands to simply allowing myself to swim in it.

When I used to think about time, it was always in the context of scarcity. There was never enough of it. Days filled with back-to-back meetings, endless to-do lists, and the nagging guilt of things left undone. I was perpetually chasing after a sense of accomplishment that seemed to evaporate as quickly as it materialized. It was exhausting.

But what if, instead of constantly trying to maximize every minute, I allowed myself to be present in the moment? What if I shifted my focus from doing more to being more?

One practice that has helped me immensely is mindfulness. It's not just another thing for me to do, but a genuine practice that I incorporate into my daily life. Whether it's through meditation, a quiet walk in nature, or simply paying attention to my breath, mindfulness has allowed me to reclaim my time by being fully present in the now.

I also began to prioritize what truly matters to me. It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle, but taking even a minute to step back and ask myself how I want to spend my time has been liberating. I've learned to say no to things and people that don't feel aligned, and yes to those that do.

It’s about quality over quantity. Spending an hour deeply engaged in a meaningful conversation with a friend can be far more fulfilling than a whole day of superficial interactions. I used to host hundred person parties often in Lisbon, and now I am realizing having dinner with one or two people is far more interesting to me. Investing time in activities that nourish my soul has become a priority.

One of the most profound realizations I've had is that time is not something that can be owned or possessed. It's a gift, and how I choose to spend it defines my life. It's not about having control over it, but rather about dancing with it, embracing the ebb and flow of experiences.

The irony is that by letting go of the need to control my time, I’ve actually found a greater sense of freedom and control. Time feels more abundant because I’m no longer trying to squeeze every last drop out of it. It's about finding harmony between doing and being, between ambition and contentment.

In asking others, “Is your time yours?”, I hope to spark a needed moment of introspection. To encourage those around me to pause and reflect on their own relationship with time. Because in the end, how we spend our time is how we live our lives. And I want to live mine fully, deeply, and authentically.

And that is how I learned to time.