How to Feel Satisfied
Earlier this month while on extended holidays in Australia, being in the worst possible time zone relative to my businesses, family and friends, actually opened up a new sensation that I am still making sense of.
It was one of satisfaction. It felt foreign and disorientating.
My natural and immediate impulse was to fill the moment with something useful or useless. I resisted that urge and instead stayed in this space of not feeling pulled to do anything.
It did not feel like nothing. It definitely felt like something. However, the something was not one I was used to feeling. I am used to feeling useful or useless, and comfortable with both although much prefer the former to the latter.
It made me realize that I am always either striving or sleeping. And so is everyone around me.
Striving energy is my chase to fulfill some desire. Be it the desire to build strength and muscle, the desire to grow my bank account, the desire to one day start a family, the desire to learn a new skill or language, and more. All of these desires motivate a striving energy in me.
Striving energy often involves some level of disatisfaction with my reality.
Sleeping energy is both literal and figurative. Literal at night when I’m actually sleep and figurative during the day, in those moments when I’m checked out. For some, it could be blindly scrolling Instagram, binge watching Netflix, eating beyond feeling satiated, or any other type of escapist or numbing behavior.
Sleeping energy often numbs my sensitivity to reality.
This feeling of satisfaction, where my mind did not go to the to-do list (there is always a to-do list) and it also did not turn to any form of escapist pattern, has inspired me.
I am learning that the feeling of satisfaction is not sitting on the other side of my to-do list. I’m breaking free of the ‘once this, then that’ thinking that had guided much of my adult life. My to-do list continues to be long. Actually, having time with myself and with fewer distractions leads me to add things to my to do list.
When interacting with friends, new and old, I see how many of our conversations are dominated by the striving energy. At least the people I hang out with seem to be biased towards this energy. I’m sure there are others who are swimming with people in an ocean of sleeping energy.
Every topic, be it about health, money, relationships, politics, world affairs, etc., is about getting, creating, building, fixing or getting something more, better or different than the current reality.
Striving, searching, seeking. How many of my daily choices, from waking up early to go to the gym, to making nutritious and healthy food choices, to choosing the company I keep, to reading a book, and more, are deep-down influenced by some desire to influence or shape my reality.
Satisfaction can only exist with an acceptance of reality though, as it is. And so much of the striving energy and sleeping energy involves a non-acceptance of reality.
Acceptance is different from apathy. I got caught for a few years, early in my exploration of meditation and Buddhist philosophy, in the tension between acceptance and apathy. Non-attachment is often taught in theory but not in practice. At least not in a modern, relatable manner.
It took me years to learn that it is about acceptance of the results and outcomes, while still making the effort. Not making the effort would be apathy.
Satisfaction doesn’t come from acceptance of any reality though. It comes from the acceptance that I gave something to reality, tried something with reality, and learned something from reality. Satisfaction is not about achieving something but knowing that I tried.
That’s what I was feeling earlier this month, in that moment sitting in my apartment hotel in Sydney, looking at the sun shining brightly outside and not feeling any pressure to do anything useful or pull to do anything useless. I felt this deep satisfaction from knowing that I have tried, and from that place, have loosened my grip on the striving or sleeping energy that otherwise fills my day.
I do not need to feel satisfied all of the time. I know that I rarely will, however when I do, it feels appropriate to recognize and even celebrate the feeling.
And that is how I learned to feel satisfied.
