How to Friend
“What brings you to town?” was the question I continued to hear over the past month.
“To see you!” I’d say enthusiastically every time, and their reactions always caught me off guard. Some laughed, others paused, surprised, as if visiting friends wasn’t reason enough.
I just wrapped up a whirlwind tour across the globe over the past four weeks—Singapore, Canada, Chile, Portugal, and the UK. At every stop, everyone assumed I had some professional reason for visiting. It felt good to say it out loud. This trip wasn’t about work. It wasn’t about sightseeing or ticking off countries. It was about reconnecting—with people I care about, with the places that feel like home, and, in many ways, with myself.
As an expat moving between cities throughout the year, friendships have become a conscious effort.
I’ve found myself gravitating toward a few hub cities—places I’ve lived, loved, or traveled to often enough that they feel like an extension of me. These cities are more than just familiar places I know where to eat, how to get around and how much things are meant to cost. They’re touchpoints to my past and present. Spending even a few days in one of these places doesn’t just recharge me—it reminds me of who I am in the company of people who know me best.
It’s said that life is a journey of self-discovery, and while that can take a lifetime, I’ve learned that putting myself in different environments can speed up the process. Meditation and journaling are helpful for quiet reflection, but there’s a different kind of clarity that comes from being with others. Friends bring out different sides of me, sometimes ones I’ve forgotten or neglected. Their perspectives can act as mirrors, reflecting back parts of myself that I can’t always see.
I’ve long believed that “we are the company we keep.” Research supports this, showing that we are the average of the five people we spend the most amount of time with. This is reflected in our health, our spending and saving habits, our travel, our hobbies and more.
Looking back, the company I kept as a child was mostly circumstantial—neighbors, classmates, the kids I sat beside in school because their last names were right before or after mine alphabetically. These relationships shaped my early years, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.
By university, friendships started forming around shared interests—classes, conferences, the things we cared about deeply as young adults. Later, in my 20s, my friendships reflected the phase of life I was in. Fresh out of school and building a company, I spent most of my time with other tech entrepreneurs. We were navigating similar challenges and found solidarity in each other’s energy, struggle and ambition.
When mindfulness became a cornerstone of my life, my circle naturally shifted to include meditators and yogis. We supported each other through shared practices and personal growth. Later, as I transitioned from being a business operator to a business owner, I sought out people who had successfully made that shift, learning from their experiences as a financial investor.
Now, with an increasing focus on health and longevity, I’m surrounded by friends who are just as curious about optimizing their well-being. Together, we try new routines, experiment with therapies, and share our data and discoveries.
But some friendships endure regardless of the stage of life I’m in. These constants remind me that while life changes, certain relationships remain foundational. They’ve been there through my evolving interests, shifting geographies, and personal growth, and they continue to feel as vital as ever.
As I’ve grown older, friendship has become less about circumstance and more about choice.
Now, I think carefully about the kind of person I want to become and the qualities I want to nurture in myself. Then, I seek out people who embody those traits. Sometimes they’re already within my circles, and all it takes is intention to deepen the connection. Other times, it means stepping outside my comfort zone to meet new people who inspire me.
When I think about the role of friends in my life, a few things stand out.
They help me feel connected, less alone. They offer support at moments I didn’t realize I needed it. And they remind me that living well isn’t just about physical health or career success—it’s about the quality of our relationships. Studies show that strong friendships are one of the most significant predictors of longevity and well-being. That feels deeply true to me.
Friendships are distinct from family, partners, or colleagues. They hold a unique place in the tribe of relationships that shape a life. And as I’ve learned, they require intentionality. It’s not enough to rely on chance or history to keep them alive.
This past month, enduring flights and jetlag, traveling to see the people who matter to me wasn’t just about staying connected—it’s about honoring the relationships that make me who I am. And every time I show up for them, I realize I’m also showing up for myself.
And that is how I learned to friend.
